32. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Chuck Norris有两种速度，走或杀。
（译者注：谚语：我们有两种速度，走或跑。）
33. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren＇t the
best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mi
stake anyone has ever made.
有个人有次跟Chuck Norris讲，roundhouse踢不是杀人的最好方法。这个事件被历史学家
记载为“史上最严重错误”。
34. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktator
ship.
和公认的不同，美国其实不是一个民主国家，美国是“Chuck制”国家。
35. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once s
wallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet t
all and had learned karate.
忍者神龟是从真实故事改编的：Chuck Norris有一次吞下了一只海龟，然后当他把它拉出
来的时候，海龟变成了六英尺长，并且学会了空手道。
36. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
超禁，不翻译
（译者注：Hung like a horse指很长。那么这句话的翻译是这样的：
不是Chuck Norris的■■象马那么长长地吊着，是马的■■长长地象Chuck Norris那样吊
着 ）
37. Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty
principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will ro
undhouse-kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris是唯一的验证海森堡测不准原理的人：他会在哪里roundhouse踢你的脸，和
他踢你脸的速度有多快不可能被同时准确测得。
38. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.
Chuck Norris能在47秒内喝下一整加仑的牛奶
（译者注：有一个“你可能不知道的XX个事实”中有一条是，人不可能在一小时内喝下一
加仑牛奶，原因是胃容积不够。 ）
39. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decide
d to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
和一般婴孩不同，Chuck Norris决定用拳头把他从他妈妈的子宫里打出来。
40. If you say Chuck Norris＇ name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhou
se kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse d
elivered by none other than Norris himself.
如果你在电影“木兰花”里说出Chuck Norris的名字，那里面的人会以他之名用roundhou
se踢你。（更糟糕的是）接下来你会被Chuck Norris本人用真的roundhouse踢到。
（译者注：见26）
41. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
时间不等人，除非那人是Chuck Norris。
42. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple univ
erses in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was
discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked
him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Chuck Norris发现了一种叫做相对论的新理论，阐述了很多平行宇宙，在其他宇宙里面Ch
uck Norris比现在这个还要凶恶。当这个理论被爱因斯坦发现并公之于众的时候，Chuck
Norris一个roundhouse踢在他脸上。我们知道，今日的爱因斯坦就是史蒂芬霍金。
（译者注：史蒂芬霍金，著名物理学家，被称为“今日的爱因斯坦”，严重残疾，不能说
话，外表如同弱智。可以自查图片。）
43. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, be
cause a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the wo
rld in one turn.
《文明四》里面没有“Chuck Norris军队单位”，因为只要一个这种单位就能够把世界上
所有国家在一个回合内统统打败
44. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use t
o kill you, including the room itself.
在一个普通大小的起居室里面，Chuck Norris能够用来杀掉你的器械有1242个，包括房间
本身。
45. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
超禁
（译者注：女人们从来不可能■■Chuck Norris的■。他只让她们■■他那土豆袋大小的
东西。）
46. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American
Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to th
e face.
冥王星其实是一群英军士兵。他们在美国独立战争里被Chuck Norris用roundhouse踢在脸
上，然后飞进了太空。
47. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and inste
ad requests a hand gun and a bucket.
当Chuck Norris去献血的时候，他拒绝使用针管。他要了一把手枪和一个桶。
48. There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
没有什么大规模杀伤性武器，只有Chuck Norris。
49. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?
" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris曾经和兰斯阿姆斯特朗比谁的睾丸多。Chuck Norris以多出5个胜出。
（译者注：Lance Armstrong（兰斯•阿姆斯特朗），环法自行车赛连续六届冠军得
主，在这之前患有睾丸癌。 ）
50. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of bear
d, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enra
ged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck＇s gift, and arranged to have
him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundho
use-kick related injuries.
Chuck Norris是第四个给耶酥礼物的智者——他给了耶酥胡子，而耶酥直到死都留着那胡
子。另外三个智者看到耶酥的样子愤怒了，于是就合伙起来，不把Chuck Norris写到圣经
里。这三个人后来都因为神秘的roundhouse踢状伤而死。
51. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Chuck Norris每年褪两次皮。
52. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds u
p the phone and money falls out.
当Chuck Norris打1-900电话的时候，没人收他的费。当他在那里褒电话粥的时候，钱就不
断地掉出来。
（译者注：900起头的电话是收费电话，类似于有偿声讯台。）
53. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there
was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris有一次吃掉了一整个蛋糕直到他朋友告诉他那个蛋糕里有一个脱衣舞女。
（译者注：在美国Party上有时会请脱衣舞娘躲在蛋糕类盒子里，适当时候跳出活跃气氛。
）
54. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to di
fferent shades of black and blue.
世界上没有种族，只有一整个一整个国家的被Chuck Norris打的或黑或青的人。
55. Chuck Norris can＇t finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are fi
lled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
Chuck Norris不能完成那种“按数填色”游戏，因为他的所有颜色笔都灌满了他的牺牲者
的血，更不幸的是，那些血无一例外是暗红色的。
56. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execut
ion in 16 states.
一个由Chuck Norris击出的roundhouse踢是被16个州所公认的最好的死刑执行方法。
57. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn＇t get wet. Water get
s Chuck Norris.
当Chuck Norris掉到水里的时候，Chuck Norris没有被弄湿：水被弄“Chuck Norris”了
。
58. Chuck Norris＇s urine was the main ingredient for balco＇s designer steroi
ds. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run ki
ng.
Chuck Norris的尿素是Balco产类固醇的主要成分。实际上，Chuck Norris每年都是“单季
全垒打王”。
（译者注：Balco，著名体育禁药丑闻里的药品提供商。旧金山巨人队的Bondz想拿全垒打
王时服了禁药。）
59. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is
roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
科学家估计了“宇宙大爆炸”的能量——接近于一个“CNRhK”单位（Chuck Norris的rou
ndhouse踢单位）
（译者注：宇宙大爆炸，目前公认的宇宙起源理论，认为宇宙产生于一次类似于大爆炸的
过程之中。）
60. Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
Chuck Norris的房子没有门，只有他直接穿过的墙。
（译者注：不是崂山道士的穿墙术，是在猫和老鼠里面看到的在墙上留下人形洞的那种。
）
61. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won＇t be because he is gay. It w
ill be because he has run out of women.
当Chuck Norris和一个男人搞的时候，那不是因为他是同性恋，那是因为他把所有的女人
都搞完了没得搞了。
62. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? .
..All of it.
当一个土拨鼠能Chuck Norris的时候，它能拨弄多少木头呢？所有的。
（译者注：土拨鼠，英文woodchuck。拨弄，英文动词chuck的翻译。木头，英文wood。）
63. Chuck Norris doesn＇t actually write books, the words assemble themselves
out of fear.
Chuck Norris不是真的在写书，那些词因为恐惧自己组织成了文。
64. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald＇s in Texas have an even larger siz
e than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".
以Chuck Norris之名，所有的德州的麦当劳都有一个比“超级大号”更大的型号（的汉堡
），叫做“Norris号”。
65. Chuck Norris CAN believe it＇s not butter.
Chuck Norris能相信那就不是黄油。
（译者注：美国有一种黄油口味的调味品，宣传口号是，“我无法相信这居然不是黄油！
” ）
66. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Austr
alia for 44 minutes.
67. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has bee
n there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
邻居的草总比我绿——除非Chuck Norris去了那里。那样的话那里一般都是被血和眼泪所
浸透。
（译者注：邻居的草总比我绿：英语成语，和“这山望到那山高”差不多意思。）
68. Newton＇s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, the
re is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a
Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
牛顿第三定律错了，尽管它认定每个动作都有作用力和反作用力，但是没有力量能够反作
用于Chuck Norris的roundhouse踢。
（译者注：我们的空间科学教授今天讲到，牛顿第四定律是，钱就是（你能发射到太空中
去的）质量）
69. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It＇s called Chuck-Will-Kill
.
Chuck Norris发明了他自己的空手道流派，它叫做“Chuck！要！杀！”
70. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French sur
rendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
当“Walker Texas Ranger”中的一集在法国播出的时候，法国向Chuck Norris投降，只为
了站在安全的那一边。
（译者注：Walker Texas Ranger就是Chuck Norris主演的让他出名的肥皂剧的名字。）
71. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris能一边撒尿，一边很轻松地钛焊。
72. Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it becam
e apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his auto
biography.
Chuck Norris一次把Houghton-Mifflin教科书公司告了，因为很明显，他们对于1812年战
争的描述是从Chuck Norris传记中抄袭的。
（译者注：1812年战争，美（帝国主义）向英（帝国主义）发起的一场（狗咬狗的）战争
。在这场战争中，美国首都华盛顿曾一度被英军占领。）
73. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norri
s kills a ninja, he uses every part.
74. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his l
ifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
威尔特张伯伦声称他一生中和20000个女人睡过——Chuck Norris认为这只不过是一个“冗
长的周二”而已。
（译者注：威尔特张伯伦，著名篮球中锋。）
75. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go arou
nd.
和一般所认为的想法，这个世界上到处巡逻的Chuck Norris已经足够多了。
76. Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing
that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris从来不刮胡子，他自己踢自己的脸。唯一能切得动Chuck Norris的东西就是
Chuck Norris了。
77. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris
, each testicle is larger than the other one.
有些人，他们左边的睾丸比右边的大。Chuck Norris，他每一边的睾丸都比另外那边的大
。
78. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score
a 1600.
当你考SAT的时候，把每个问题的答案都写成Chuck Norris，你会得到1600分。
（译者注：SAT相当于美国高考，满分1600）
79. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of v
isible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris制造了黑色。事实上他制造了所有的光谱中有的颜色，除了粉红色。汤姆克
鲁斯制造了粉红色。
（译者注：汤姆克鲁斯，著名男星。）
80. When you＇re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhou
se kick to the face.
当你是Chuck Norris，任何东西+任何都是都是1。1个oundhouse踢在脸上。
81. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 Worl
d Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopo
ly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris是史上最好扑克脸。他赢得了1983年的扑克世界冠军，尽管他手上只拿着一
张王，一张“强手棋”里免费出狱的牌，一张黑桃2，一张方块7，和一张来自于UNO牌戏的
绿色4号卡。
（译者注：扑克脸，玩扑克不让对手看到自己脸色并以此胜利的人。UNO，美国小孩牌戏，
玩法类似于我国扑克牌玩法中的“说谎”。 ）
82. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be throw
n into the sun.
每逢生日，Chuck Norris都会选择一个幸运小孩，然后把他扔到太阳上去。
83. Nobody doesn＇t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
没有人不爱Sara Lee，除了Chuck Norris。
（译者注：Sara Lee是美国的大型食品公司，它每辆运货车上都写着广告语“没有人不爱
Sara Lee”。）
84. Chuck Norris doesn＇t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws
down!
无法翻译
（译者注：英语里Throw up 表示吐。Chuck Norris不是不吐，他只是不让对手站着，一律
打倒！他的字典里没有up这个字样，所以只好“Throw down”了。）
85. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked t
hat nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the univers
e.
一开始，什么都没有……后来Chuck Norris一个roundhouse踢在那“没有”的脸上，一边
说“你NND给我干点什么！”。这就是宇宙起源的故事。
86. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
87. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his
own rage.
Chuck Norris用他的牙齿磨咖啡，然后用他的怒火把水煮开。
88. Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year
1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
考古学家发现了1236年印的英文字典。上面定义“受害者”为“某个遇到了Chuck Norris
的人”。
89. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris在汉堡王要了一个巨无霸，并且要到了。
（译者注：汉堡王和麦当劳都是美国快餐，巨无霸是麦当劳标志产品。）
90. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed,
as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Chuck Norris和Mr. T走进一家酒吧。那家酒吧马上就被毁了，因为那种程度的“妙”一栋
楼就无法容下呀！
（译者注： “XX和XX走进一家酒吧”是经典美国笑话的起头。 Mr. T也是一个演员，很壮
，还被画成了漫画。）
91. If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will genera
te zero results. It just doesn＇t happen.
如果你Google“Chuck Norris被日翻了”你只能找到0个结果——这种事情根本不会发生。
92. Chuck Norris doesn＇t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the ot
her nine faint.
Chuck Norris从来不有意打出“全倒”。他击倒一个瓶子，其他的全部昏倒了。
93. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island
with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been
burned.
“辛存者”节目一开始是想把人们和Chuck Norris放到一个岛上的。结果没有人辛存下来
， 而这个第一集的带子被烧掉了。
94. Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk.
95. You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real l
ife? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and k
ill you.
你知道人们为什么说“如果你梦见你死了你就真的死了”吗？实际上，如果你梦见了死亡
，Chuck Norris就会找到你，然后把你杀掉。
96. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris能关上一扇旋转门。
97. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn＇t walk around people. He
walks through them
当Chuck Norris在拥挤的人群中时，他不是费力的挤过去，他直接在人群中走出路来！
（译者注：同60，在这里把人群想象成动画片里的墙。）
98. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon re
flection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so
he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
99. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris能摸到MC Hammer。
（译者注：MC Hammer是美国的饶舌歌手，已故，有著名作品《you can’t touch this》
）
100. Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section wh
en he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.
你可能不知道的医学常识：Chuck Norris发明了剖腹产，当他一个roundhouse踢从NND
子宫里出来的时候。
101. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris能被零整除。
（译者注：请注意，这是100个事实中的第101个。） |
发表于 2009-11-9 22:39
| 
发表于 2009-11-10 05:16
| 
