本帖最后由 郭某某 于 2014-10-31 00:15 编辑
6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person
By David Wong December 17, 2012 18,951,724 views
英文转自：http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-ha ... -you-better-person/
译者：邹楠漪 （中文翻译被转载太多次而且多数没有署名，在人人上看到，不知准确否）
2014, motherfuckers. Yeah! LET'S DO THIS.
"Do what?" you ask. I DON'T KNOW. LET'S FIGURE THAT OUT TOGETHER, MOTHERFUCKERS.
Feel free to stop reading this if your career is going great, you're thrilled with your life, and you're happy with your relationships. Enjoy the rest of your day, friend, this article is not for you. You're doing a great job, we're all proud of you. So you don't feel like you wasted your click, here's a picture of Lenny Kravitz wearing a gigantic scarf.
Via Upscalehype.com
For the rest of you, I want you to try something: Name five impressive things about yourself. Write them down or just shout them out loud to the room. But here's the catch -- you're not allowed to list anything you are (i.e., I'm a nice guy, I'm honest), but instead can only list things that you do (i.e., I just won a national chess tournament, I make the best chili in Massachusetts). If you found that difficult, well, this is for you, and you are going to fucking hate hearing it. My only defense is that this is what I wish somebody had said to me around 1995 or so.
如果你的职业道路非常顺利，你的生活美满感情顺利，你可以不用读这篇文章。祝你一天愉快，这篇文章不是为你写的。你做的非常出色，我们都为你自豪。
对 于其余的人来说，我希望你做一件事情：说出5件你引以为豪的事情。写在纸上也好，或者喊出来也好都可以。但这里有一个条件：你不可以列出你“是”怎样的人 (比如，我是一个温柔的人，我很诚实)，只能列出你“做”的事情(比如，我刚获得了全国象棋冠军，我做的chili是全麻省最好的)。如果你发现很难列出 五件事情，这篇文章就是为你所写的。而且你他x娘de肯定一边听一边心里会不舒服。我的感受是，如果有人在1995年的时候跟我讲这些事情就好了
Note: I originally posted this in December of 2012, and to date it has drawn more than 12 million page views and been shared on Facebook nearly half a million times. We decided to update it and post it again, and by update I mean change the year to 2014. -DW
#6. The World Only Cares About What It Can Get from You 这个世界只关心你能给予什么
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Let's say that the person you love the most has just been shot. He or she is lying in the street, bleeding and screaming. A guy rushes up and says, "Step aside." He looks over your loved one's bullet wound and pulls out a pocket knife -- he's going to operate right there in the street.
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"OK, which one is the injured one?"
You ask, "Are you a doctor?"
The guy says, "No."
You say, "But you know what you're doing, right? You're an old Army medic, or ..."
At this point the guy becomes annoyed. He tells you that he is a nice guy, he is honest, he is always on time. He tells you that he is a great son to his mother and has a rich life full of fulfilling hobbies, and he boasts that he never uses foul language.
Confused, you say, "How does any of that fucking matter when my [wife/husband/best friend/parent] is lying here bleeding! I need somebody who knows how to operate on bullet wounds! Can you do that or not?!?"
Now the man becomes agitated -- why are you being shallow and selfish? Do you not care about any of his other good qualities? Didn't you just hear him say that he always remembers his girlfriend's birthday? In light of all of the good things he does, does it really matter if he knows how to perform surgery?
In that panicked moment, you will take your bloody hands and shake him by the shoulders, screaming, "Yes, I'm saying that none of that other shit matters, because in this specific situation, I just need somebody who can stop the bleeding, you crazy fucking asshole."
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"I don't get it. Would it help if I put on a lab jacket? Here, one sec, let me just ..."
So here is my terrible truth about the adult world: You are in that very situation every single day. Only you are the confused guy with the pocket knife. All of society is the bleeding gunshot victim.
If you want to know why society seems to shun you, or why you seem to get no respect, it's because society is full of people who need things. They need houses built, they need food to eat, they need entertainment, they need fulfilling sexual relationships. You arrived at the scene of that emergency, holding your pocket knife, by virtue of your birth -- the moment you came into the world, you became part of a system designed purely to see to people's needs.
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"Here's that shit you needed. Now fuck off."
Either you will go about the task of seeing to those needs by learning a unique set of skills, or the world will reject you, no matter how kind, giving, and polite you are. You will be poor, you will be alone, you will be left out in the cold.
Does that seem mean, or crass, or materialistic? What about love and kindness -- don't those things matter? Of course. As long as they result in you doing things for people that they can't get elsewhere. For you see ...
我们假设一下你最爱的亲人在大街上被枪击了。TA一边失血一边尖叫。一个路人冲上来说“让一下”。他仔细检查了伤口并拿出一把小刀准备在大街上动手术取出子弹。
你问他：“你是医生吗？”
他回答说：“不是”
你说：“你知道你要做什么，对吧？你是不是退伍的军医，还是……”
这个时候那个路人感觉有点不快了。他告诉你说他是一个好人，是一个诚实的人，他上班从来不迟到。他告诉你说他是一个孝顺的儿子。业余生活丰富，生活非常富足。他还说他从不说脏话。
你有点疑惑，说：“这ta吗的和我亲人被枪击躺在马路上有什么关系？我需要一个可以在伤口上动手术的人！你到底能不能做？”
现在这个路人非常生气了——为什么你就那么自私肤浅呢？你难道不在乎他的那些优良品德么？他刚才不对你说他总是记住女友的生日吗？他有那么多优良品质，你为什么就抓着他会不会外科手术这个事实不放呢？
在那个疯狂的情形下，你会用你沾满鲜血的双手用力摇晃他的肩膀，大喊道：“废话！你说的那些优良品质都是屁话，因为在当前情况下我只需要一个可以止血动手术的人！你这个神经病给我滚！”
所以，这就是我要说的第一点成人世界的残酷事实：你其实天天都身处于上述的“当前情况”之中。只不过换作你是那个喋喋不休的好心路人，而社会上其他所有人都换作成那个流血的伤者。
如果你想知道为什么社会对你不屑，或者你为什么从不受到尊重，这是因为社会充满了[需要某样东西]的人。他们需要人来造房子，他们需要食物，他们需要娱乐，他们需要人来满足*河蟹*。你从出生开始就进入了这样的需要解决人们需求的社会系统。
你要么选择学习某种技能担当某样角色满足他人的需要，要么就选择被社会抛弃。这个社会不在乎你有多么善良，礼貌，无私。你会变穷，你会没有朋友，你会被遗弃。
但这是不是说我们要刻版、自私呢？爱和温柔重要吗？当然了，但前提是这些爱是别人需要的，也是从其他人那里得不到的。
否则的话……
#5. The Hippies Were Wrong 别去相信嬉皮士的话
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Here is the greatest scene in the history of movies (WARNING: EXTREME NSFW LANGUAGE):
[原文此处引用了一段视频。国内看不了Youtube。可以爬梯且听力没问题的可以此处看：[http://www.youtube.com/watch?fea ... d&v=8kZg_ALxEz0]]
For those of you who can't watch videos, it's the famous speech Alec Baldwin gives in the cinematic masterpiece Glengarry Glenn Ross. Baldwin's character -- whom you assume is the villain -- addresses a room full of dudes and tears them a new asshole, telling them that they're all about to be fired unless they "close" the sales they've been assigned:
"Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. If you want to work here, close."
It's brutal, rude, and borderline sociopathic, and also it is an honest and accurate expression of what the world is going to expect from you. The difference is that, in the real world, people consider it so wrong to talk to you that way that they've decided it's better to simply let you keep failing.
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"First graders, welcome to Mr. Baldwin's third period art class -- is everyone here? Well, I'm goin' anyway."
That scene changed my life. I'd program my alarm clock to play it for me every morning if I knew how. Alec Baldwin was nominated for an Oscar for that movie and that's the only scene he's in. As smarter people have pointed out, the genius of that speech is that half of the people who watch it think that the point of the scene is "Wow, what must it be like to have such an asshole boss?" and the other half think, "Fuck yes, let's go out and sell some goddamned real estate!"
Or, as the Last Psychiatrist blog put it:
"If you were in that room, some of you would understand this as a work, but feed off the energy of the message anyway, welcome the coach's cursing at you, 'this guy is awesome!'; while some of you would take it personally, this guy is a jerk, you have no right to talk to me like that, or -- the standard maneuver when narcissism is confronted with a greater power -- quietly seethe and fantasize about finding information that will out him as a hypocrite. So satisfying."
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"I swear, if he mentions my hair, I'll slap his face so har- Yes, sir, I'm listening. I'm sorry."
That excerpt is from an insightful critique of "hipsters" and why they seem to have so much trouble getting jobs (that doesn't begin to do it justice, go read the whole thing), and the point is that the difference in those two attitudes -- bitter vs. motivated -- largely determines whether or not you'll succeed in the world. For instance, some people want to respond to that speech with Tyler Durden's line from Fight Club: "You are not your job."
But, well, actually, you totally are. Granted, your "job" and your means of employment might not be the same thing, but in both cases you are nothing more than the sum total of your useful skills. For instance, being a good mother is a job that requires a skill. It's something a person can do that is useful to other members of society. But make no mistake: Your "job" -- the useful thing you do for other people -- is all you are.
There is a reason why surgeons get more respect than comedy writers. There is a reason mechanics get more respect than unemployed hipsters. There is a reason your job will become your label if your death makes the news ("NFL Linebacker Dies in Murder/Suicide"). Tyler said, "You are not your job," but he also founded and ran a successful soap company and became the head of an international social and political movement. He was totally his job.
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It was the irony that many people missed from that movie.
Or think of it this way: Remember when Chick-fil-A came out against gay marriage? And how despite the protests, the company continues to sell millions of sandwiches every day? It's not because the country agrees with them; it's because they do their job of making delicious sandwiches well. And that's all that matters.
You don't have to like it. I don't like it when it rains on my birthday. It rains anyway. Clouds form and precipitation happens. People have needs and thus assign value to the people who meet them. These are simple mechanisms of the universe and they do not respond to our wishes.
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"This is bullshit. I have a completely clean criminal record, and this is the thanks I get?"
If you protest that you're not a shallow capitalist materialist and that you disagree that money is everything, I can only say: Who said anything about money? You're missing the larger point.
对于那些无法看视频的读者，这是一段著名的影院神片Glengarry Glenn Ross里Alec Baldwin的演讲。Baldwin的角色——你会假设是反角——对一屋子的销售员疯狂施压，警告他们说他们都会被解雇，除非他们可以搞定他们手上的单子。
“好人？关我屁事！慈父？去你ma的！回你的家和你孩子玩去！如果你想在这里工作，给我敲定手上的单子”
非常残酷、粗鲁、甚至有点疯狂。可是，这恰恰是这个社会对你期望的最诚实的写照。不同的是，在现实世界里，人们认为那样讲话太粗鲁了对你不礼貌，于是他们干脆什么都不说眼看着你失败。
这 个电影片段改变我的人生。我如果知道怎么做的话，会把它录成闹钟每天早上叫我起床。Baldwin因此还拿了奥斯卡奖，而这个片段是他整个电影唯一出场的 场景！正如前人已经分析过，这段演讲精彩之处在于，一般的人会理解为“天哪，我要有这么一个混蛋老板会怎样啊？”。而另一半人却会想“太ta嘛励志了！我 现在就想去上班做业务去！”
或者，有一个心理学家写道：“如果当时你在那个房间里，你们中的一些人会明白这是工作，会从那段演讲里吸收能量，就像一个球队教练冲你大骂一样。你会觉得‘这家伙太有能耐了’。而另一些人会非常介意，认为这个老板是混蛋，你没有权利跟我这样说话。”
以上节选自一篇对于“时髦(这个词很难翻译，姑且翻译为非主流潮人)”的批判文章。文章解释了这些人为什么会难找工作，并指出上述两种不同的态度——受刺激vs受激励——很大程度上决定你是否在现实生活中能成功。
比 如说，有人会引用搏击俱乐部里的经典台词“You are not your job”。但事实上，你完完全全就是你的job(职责)。当然了，你的职责和你为公司的服务不是一回事请，但其实你只不过是你所有有用技能经验的综合体罢 了。技能是某一个个体能为社会中其他人提供的有用服务。但别搞错了，你的“职责”——你为他人提供的有用服务——就是你的全部。
这就是为 什么外科医生比喜剧作家更受到尊重。也是为什么机修工比无业潮人更受到尊重。如果你的死讯能登上新闻，这说明你的工作已经成为了你的标签。搏击俱乐部里 Tyler说You are not your job，但他同时又操办了一家成功的肥皂公司同时成为了社会运动的领导人。He was totally his job (这句不翻译比较好理解)。
我们再这样理解一下：你还记得Chick-fil-A餐厅反对同性恋婚姻么？不论嬉皮们如何抗议，公司还不是照样卖出了成千上万的汉堡？这不是说顾客们认可他们，而是因为他们成功地完成了履行了他们的职责——做好吃的汉堡。这一点才是最关键的。
你不一定非要从心里喜欢这个事实。我也不喜欢我生日的时候天下雨。但天还是要下雨。人们有需求，人们会认可能够满足他们需求的人。世界就是通过这么简单的机制运行的，谁也改变不了。
如果你抗议说，我不是肤浅的物质主义者，金钱不是万能的，我只能说：我有说过金钱吗？说明你没看懂我的要点。
#4. What You Produce Does Not Have to Make Money, But It Does Have to Benefit People
你所做的事情不一定要换成钱，但一定要有益于他人
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Let's try a non-money example so you don't get hung up on that. The demographic that Cracked writes for is heavy on 20-something males. So on our message boards and in my many inboxes I read several dozen stories a year from miserable, lonely guys who insist that women won't come near them despite the fact that they are just the nicest guys in the world. I can explain what is wrong with this mindset, but it would probably be better if I let Alec Baldwin explain it:
In this case, Baldwin is playing the part of the attractive women in your life. They won't put it as bluntly as he does -- society has trained us not to be this honest with people -- but the equation is the same. "Nice guy? Who gives a shit? If you want to work here, close."
So, what do you bring to the table? Because the Zooey Deschanel lookalike in the bookstore that you've been daydreaming about moisturizes her face for an hour every night and feels guilty when she eats anything other than salad for lunch. She's going to be a surgeon in 10 years. What do you do?
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"Well, I'm fucking wicked at capture the flag."
"What, so you're saying that I can't get girls like that unless I have a nice job and make lots of money?"
No, your brain jumps to that conclusion so you have an excuse to write off everyone who rejects you by thinking that they're just being shallow and selfish. I'm asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don't say that you're a nice guy -- that's the bare minimum. Pretty girls have guys being nice to them 36 times a day. The patient is bleeding in the street. Do you know how to operate or not?
"Well, I'm not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other douchebags!"
I'm sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don't have, then back the fuck away from the patient. There's a witty, handsome guy with a promising career ready to step in and operate.
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"Wait, I said I wouldn't hit you!"
Does that break your heart? OK, so now what? Are you going to mope about it, or are you going to learn how to do surgery? It's up to you, but don't complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks have other things they can offer. "But I'm a great listener!" Are you? Because you're willing to sit quietly in exchange for the chance to be in the proximity of a pretty girl (and spend every second imagining how soft her skin must be)? Well guess what, there's another guy in her life who also knows how to do that, and he can play the guitar. Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick. You're like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is "The actors are clearly visible."
I think this is why you can be a "nice guy" and still feel terrible about yourself. Specifically ...
那 么我们换一个非金钱的例子好了。这个网站(cracked.com)主要面向20出头的男性。我每天都要从邮箱里收到一大堆挫男抱怨女人不愿意接近他们， 虽然他们是世界上最nice的男人。我可以解释他们的思路有什么问题，不过最好是让Alec Baldwin解释最好。
(译注：此处再次引用上述视频，我真的建议大家去看那个片段！)
在我们说的例子里，Baldwin就是你生活里那个女神。他们当然不会像Baldwin的角色那样粗鲁直接——社会教育我们不要对别人那么“诚实”——但问题是一样的：“你是好人？关我屁事！想在这里工作，就给我搞定工作。”
所以，你有什么感想呢？你对在书店里遇到的女神每天白日梦YY，为她午餐不吃色拉感到惋惜。她10年后会成为一个外科医生，你呢？
“什么？你是说除非我找到一个好工作赚大钱否则不可能把到女神？”
不！ 你的大脑跳跃太快了，因此你可以给自己一个理由认为所有拒绝你的女神都是肤浅自私的。我在这里就问一个问题：你给予了什么？你聪明么？幽默吗？情趣吗？天 才？雄心？创意？好，那你做什么事情能向这个世界证明自己的优点呢？不要跟我说你是个好人——这是最起码的。你的女神每天有三打的男人对她“好”。用我们 上文的例子来说，伤者在大街上流血，你到底会不会开刀？
“我不歧视女人，不歧视种族，不贪婪，不肤浅，也不虐待人！我和那些diao不垃几的男人不一样。”
很抱歉，如果你所能做的事情只不过是你“没有”一堆缺点，就ta吗的给我从伤者身边滚出去！我们有的是风趣、英俊、事业成功的男人来帮助你的女神。
伤 到你自尊了么？有一点？那现在怎样呢？你想碎碎念呢，还是打算学习怎么去做手术治疗那个伤者？取决于你。但你不要去抱怨为什么女神就喜欢找你口中的坏男 人。她们吃这套是因为那些diao不拉几的男人有其他东西可以满足你的女神。“但我是一个聆听者！”是吗？你可以坐在女神身边几个小时听她念叨？你猜怎么 着？角落里还有另一个男人可以这样做，他还是吉他高手！你如果不停地说你是一个好人，就像一个餐厅说他们的卖点是他们的食物不会让你拉肚子一样，就像一部 电影的标题是“This Movie is in English”。
这就是为什么你可以做一个好人但仍然觉得自己是loser。 |
发表于 2014-10-31 00:11
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发表于 2014-10-31 15:18
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